Odd Number Ages

How We Commonly Feel When We Reach It!

This past Saturday it was my birthday and I didn't feel like I did the other years because I am at that odd age of 29 nearing age 30, however; when I was at that odd age of 21, I was so excited. And I have found that most people feel the same way as I do. Who gets excited about turning 30? I know I was not counting down those days but I counted down the days to 13 and 21 which are also odd numbers. Entering my teen years was exciting, then knowing I was legal to drink at 21 was exciting too. I know even some who do not drink or wish to drink that turning the legal age just confirms adulthood. It did for me at least, but I am now not sure why I wanted to be an adult so much. Don't get me wrong I love becoming more and more of a woman but I look back and miss being a teenager sometimes. I think I just took those years for granted.

It gives me an opportunity though, to teach the youth to not make some of the mistakes I did so they are not left feeling behind as I do today. I say that because there is so much I could have done. I know I can fix that by working toward a higher success before my next odd age which will be age 39. Therefore, I have ten long years to get it right. I guess that's the gift of age 29, you have the next ten years to make an odd year feel as exciting as age 21. Your women or manhood will be full of success and stability. Looking back knowing I took some of my years for granted I hope for the rest of my life to be treated as much more of a gift especially my last year being in my twenties.

New Age Courtship

It doesn't exist... at least not where many men are concerned!


There have been times I have been interested in a guy and said nothing. Why? Because I feel like if I have spent any time with the guy he should let me know how he feels first. Many of you would not agree but I feel like men are hunters and they should hunt for what or who they want not the women. I feel like in this new age is extinct because men are too lazy. I said this before but got feedback that men are just scared and we should find the courage to say something. That's all good but why would we do that when at any given moment you see the next girl getting chased to no end, when really any of us could be that girl. No girl is better than that next and we all deserve to feel desired and wanted--- we all should be chased. Since when should a woman court or chase a man? I think it all flipped when we as women got desperate or felt a sense of power approaching a man. I feel no power in that. I feel power in being approached and having the choice to say yes or no. It seems to take a real man to step up and tell a woman how he feels and then once accepted to take it even a step further and court her. That takes work. I personally have made it too easy for the man but I refuse to do that anymore. I was raised with certain values that this new age of dating has caused me to deny. I won't anymore-- I can't. I loved my values and as much as I want to feel loved and wanted I just can't do that anymore. I guess that's the process in learning to love yourself.

After the conversation I had with a friend of mine suggesting that I go after the man I want--- the little light bulb in my head turned on and said "No." Most of the time if I am interested in someone it's only because I have gotten to know them-- I am very mental that way. If he has gotten to know me in the same and does not have that same interest or want to express it then so be it--- for me it just wasn't meant to be because I want a man that is strong and full of courage, not scared. And definitely not scared of me of all people. Some women love to be aggressive and that is okay, it's just not for me and the values that was placed on me from my parents. Like I said, I have decided to refuse to go against that for any man or fear of loneliness anymore. I just wish more women would force men to chase them and court them, then maybe they would have no excuse anymore and we as women would not have to complain about chivalry being dead and such. After all, we partially killed it!

So with all that said...

What is the "New Age Courtship"? Obviously a man waiting for a woman to court him.

For the men out there reading: Senseless/random flirting or innuendos does not count for approaching a woman. Most of us will flirt back even if we not interested so that doing that will get you nowhere.

Video will be added soon... stay tuned!

© Marika

Deal Breakers

The Demise of a Potential Date

I think it is good to have a list of deal breakers, and it’s also important to update them. After each person you date or meet there is a potential to find another thing that you are just not willing to deal with, thus called a “deal breaker”. Everyone has them and maybe not always sticks to them. However, it’s important that you do. Deal breakers are very important to pay attention to. Don’t lower your standards for anyone.

Now, I am sure some of you are dying to know what my deal breakers are since we are on the subject. Okay okay…. So here they are:

1. Smoking– This shows me (in my head) that you do not care about your health, thus, how you could care about mine. I am very health conscious and I need my mate to be the same. Plus, I do not like the smell of cigarette smoke.

2. Humor – If you are not funny in the least bit the relationship you will start to bore me. I have tried to date someone before that thought he was funny but his jokes were not funny whatsoever. I need someone that I can play off of and I love to laugh. If you have a dry sense of humor you are not the one for me. Plus, I don’t want to hurt your feelings in the case you tell a joke and it’s not funny because trust me I won’t laugh.

3. Money – You don’t have to be rich, but no longer will I date someone broke again. It limits what we can do together, and that means no fun for us. Also, I am not going to be in a position to help your behind out when you decide not to have your ish together. No more! You don’t have to pay my bills, I am not that type of girl but I do
like an occasional adventure.

4. Chivary – This is a huge one for me. I like to feel like a princess. I like for you to hold my bags especially if it appears I need some help and I am struggling. I like for a guy to open doors for me. Things like that will win big points with me. It feels
nice and brings me to believe I am special to you.

5. Narcissism – Never ever again will I deal with someone with this kind of personality disorder. I will not tolerate my mate loving himself (especially appearance wise) more than me. It's great to love yourself but not great when it seems to have become an obsession for you. It’s also not good when you decide you are hotter than me and treat me accordingly. And I will not be in competition with you period. Please
do not confuse this with high confidence, which brings me to my next one.

6. Confidence – I love a guy that is confident about his intelligence and who he is as a person. I also like a guy that feels attractive as long as he does not go overboard with it. *See #5* (which brings me to my next one again)

7. Fitness– I love it when my guy takes the initiative to go to the gym, however; I am not looking for a “look at my muscles” gym rat either. That annoys the crap out of me. The next thing these kind of guys always ends up saying to me is “How do I look?”, while standing in front of me half naked or completely naked. Girls say that kind of
stuff when they put on a sexy dress for you. Ask me how you look when we are going out somewhere and you want to make sure you dressed for the occasion.

8. Appearance – Now that we are talking about narcissism, confidence, and fitness. My man has to be sexy and good looking. The two are different. Sexy is a man to me that has this air about him---his walk, his demeanor, how he talks etc. Some people called that having “swagger”. Good looking is if he is clean cut, dresses nice, and
just plain handsome. He doesn’t have to be a superstar type, actually I am a little weary of those but I haven’t had children and I would like them to be cute. I also have issues with doing the dirty with a guy I feel is not attractive. I just can’t do it. May sound shallow but oh well. I think being attracted to your mate is very important because when the tingling feelings go away then what do you have to go on to get your sexual juices flowing to even kiss the person? No kissies means no relationship--- basically you are just a good friend.

9. Consideration– I have dated a couple that I noticed had no consideration for people. I am watching you and if I see that you are inconsiderate and rude to others I can almost bet at some point you will be rude to me. It never fails. I always do my best (110%) to be considerate with others so I will not tolerate anything less from my
partner.

10. Stability – I have found in past relationships how important this is. I always had this we can come up together type of mentality with men. But a man needs to be a man and that means he must be stable and able (to take care of home). I will not even attempt to help a man come up anymore. I know the expression there’s always a good woman behind the man, but not sure if that entails her helping him do what he needs to be doing anymore.

Okay so those are my Top 10 deal breakers (trust I have more). Perhaps I could add more and may do that in a vblog but I didn’t want this to get too long and I am so eager to read about your deal breakers. So please comment and share! I am nosy. *wink*

Thanks Rome and Crystal for the inspiration to post this!

Marika

Dealing with Self-Hatred

And Fighting it to Love Yourself!




Many of us will not like ourselves at some point in our lives and that is normal because we all want to be loved and accepted by others. It's important though, to love yourself even in the most rough times. We will all make mistakes, we will all sin, and we can't make everyone happy. We will not make everyone happy but we can start by making ourselves happy first, then everyone else will follow.

Please check out the video. I am being very candid and honest with all of you. I wanted to record this so that everyone going thru this does not feel alone. There are many of us going thru the same journey but walking in different directions. We all should help on another walk in the right direction.

This is the first of my "Stripped & Uncensored" video series and there will be more to come so please go to http://www.youtube.com/thatmarika and subscribe if you would like to stay updated!

Marika

A Male Life

Should Women Complain?

It is no secret that to us it definitely is not easy being a woman. From the moment we turn around age 11 or 12, when we get our periods is apparent that our lives are not going to be easy ones. However, most of us embrace the beauties of being female. I could go on and on to list reasons proving why our lives are difficult and why should we be appreciated, but I would like to for men to share the difficulties of being male. I have heard time and time again, that it's not easy being a man either. Since I am not one I can't really speak upon that nor can I imagine it. And in all honesty most of us think men have it pretty easy compared to what we go through.

What I do know is that all of us male or female should be appreciated more as human beings. I know most of us do want to be appreciated more and the first step is to understand each of our gender differences and awkwardness in our common growth of life.



With that said... any of you that are of the male species please share your story and tell us what you have found is hard being a man.

Marika

Cheaters are not bad people?

Maybe they just did something bad?
Today, I watched the Oprah Show on Why Men Cheat. Oprah had M. Gary Neuman talking about his book discussing the reason he has gathered men cheat. What a better person to tell you than a guy right? Half of the time I don’t think most men know why they cheat. For those of you that do have reasons, good for you. My opinion is that there really isn’t a reason to cheat on someone. And there is nothing you can say to make it better or make your partner "excuse it".

I can’t imagine telling someone I love them and then turn around and share myself with someone else. There are some women that can do this but I am not one of those that can do that because I attach sex to emotion and love. Mr. Neuman suggests that men typically don’t though men are emotional creatures. They just don't vocalize it. As much as I have been told that it’s wrong to attach sex to that, in this case especially when you are married I think it’s a good idea to attach sex to the same things I mentioned above.

Now, the reason I was prompted to write this is because Mr. Neuman suggested that not is not fair to say that cheaters are necessarily jerks or bad people. Hmmmm….let me sit on that comment for one second. Cheaters are not bad people! I am pretty much a pro at this as I have been cheated on, I have seen my friends cheated on and my mother has been cheated on. Cheating is malicious and destructive. If cheaters are not bad people then I think it would be fair to at least say that cheaters are self-serving people. They do not think of the destruction it causes whether you can possibly pass an STD on to your partner, break up a family, or even put your partner’s life in jeopardy. Someone that has the capability to do all of those things does not sound like a good person to me. Good people generally care about other people. People who care about their partner should also care about their partner’s feelings, and health. Cheating is no joke! If you are cheating on someone you profess to love you’d better wake up and realize what you are doing and what this really means. Does it mean you are insecure? Does it mean you are needy? Does it mean you crave attention? Does it mean you have issues you have yet to resolve? Or does it mean you are just flat out a horrible person?

I’d like to say the latter, because I have issues, I get insecure, and I even sometimes get needy, but that does not mean if I am committed to you I will stray because of those factors. That’s not the answer to my problem. I also know better than to take my problem and then make it yours especially in such a hurtful way. So if I know that, what is up with all the other people? Are some of us programmed to be this uncontrolled and insensible? It’s something to think about for sure!

What we don’t realize is that we get into relationships (myself including) with people that have issues that causes them to disconnect enabling them to be able to cheat that has NOTHING to do with us. Unfortunately we get hurt in the process. This is why it’s really important to KNOW your partner.

For reading my article I am sending you the link to Mr. Neuman’s free downloadable book: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20080827_tows_bookdownload. It’s really good!



© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.

Silence Is Not Bliss

But we often think it is!

Most of us were raised with the theory that some things are not proper to discuss. Our parents told us to be quiet, society tells us to be quiet, and then our inner thoughts tell us to be quiet. Why? Because telling our "secrets" has been embedded in our brains as almost sinful. To be vulnerable to others makes you susceptible to pain. Well, pain in our lifetime is inevitable and a necessary part of life. The positive in that pain is being able to share that with others, in my opinion.


I was programmed by my father to always keep my lips closed because he is very old fashioned in that if I shared anything about myself I was sharing intimate things about our family which is wrong. Well what my father taught was proved to be wrong because my father's silence is what ruined our family and is what has changed my perception of him. I was also taught to help people by my mother. Sharing my life and my thoughts with others is for a purpose and that is to help people. What my mother taught me brings me the best joy in my life. It makes me feel great to see that I have done that as it makes me feel like I have a reason for living. I am not able to help people with money, though I would if I could, so I help people with my experience. It does not feel wrong to me.

Hence, we are told that telling our business is the worst thing on earth to do. I believe that keeping quiet about certain things can cause major problems and keeps us from bonding with others. And it keeps us from learning who we really are because if we are lying to others in most cases we are also lying to ourselves. With every article I write and every deep conversation I have with someone I grow as a person positively. I find out so many things I was not aware of before, and that to me is beautiful. I love it when people share parts of themselves with me. It is not because I am nosy but because there is a lesson in everyone's life that I can learn from. I love it when I share my experiences and thoughts with others because I have witnessed people learn from me as well.

It's not easy to talk about certain things or share yourself with others. I know this firsthand especially since I was taught by my father to keep things to myself-it was hard to break out of that. I also realize that some things you tell people can be used against you. It doesn't stop me from sharing but it just makes realize which people deserve to know about me. There were certain things through out my life that I was advised not to discuss. However, that is also advising me to not be who I am. It is also asking me not to reveal the real me to others. That is not a healthy way of living for the plans I feel I have set for my life. I can only imagine how unhealthy it can be for others after a while. Keeping things so dark and so scary can even break the most powerful person down. It's unneeded trauma sitting on your brain that should be released. We must to keep our brain healthy as it is our controlling to unit to every organ in our body.

I am writing this because there will be times in everyone's life that some things may happen that you may not want to talk about because it is embarrassing, shameful, scary, or just too taboo to share. That to me is the time you should talk about it. The fears you have of telling certain aspects of your life are imaginary and also temporary. Most of the time after sharing something you were so adamant not to share due to insecurities will free your soul in so many ways. It will be feel like a boulder you were carrying lifted off your shoulders. If it bothers you to keep it in, then it only makes sense that it would be healthier to let it out.

Share things with your partner too…

If you can't open up to anyone in your life, the one person you should be able to open up to is your partner, considering you love this person and wish to keep them in your life interminably. You should also be open enough to talk about things with in the relationship that bother you without fear. Many people opt to not share certain thoughts with their mate because of the fear of that person not understanding, caring or empathizing. If you have those fears you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. In a relationship I feel you should be able to tell your partner anything without any reservations that he or she might leave you. Many people keep quiet about certain things due to how society deals with that certain kind of news. Society is so judgmental and not empathetic--- not enough to allow people to want to talk about anything. That is why so many of us don't speak up on issues and that is sad. There are still incidents of children not being able to tell their parents and friends they are gay, raped, abused, or even in trouble. I know many "secrets" about people that they have not even told their mate and probably never will. There have been times even in my own relationships that I have kept things to myself that I feel I should have been brave enough to say whether they left me or not. I had to come to the conclusion that I desire a mate that will stand by me no matter what so long as I don't maliciously hurt him. I think we all deserve to have people like that in our life.

I have been judged heavily on my openness but that is what I choose to do and is what I feel like I need to do for so many reasons. I am a raw, jagged edged person with a desire to connect with the masses. I have risked so much doing this, for example; people have chastised me and relationships have ended because I refuse to remain silent when I am feeling uncomfortable due to unsavory actions affecting our bond. I cringe when I witness so many people in relationships choose not to divulge things that bother them in order to keep the peace. Where is the peace in that? The other person is feeling serenity but your thoughts are not. That's not fair to you and eventually won't be fair to the relationship. And it's also not fair to the relationship if you can tell others sacred things about you but you cannot to someone that are one with and someone that should be the most important person to you. You are not allowing that person to know the real you nor are you giving that person faith to really love all of you.

We can not continue to live life in silence because of other people and their issues. When people judge you for things that you say (considering they are not malicious toward others) or become bothered with your statements you, know that it is not you they are bothered with, it's them. If sharing helps you breathe and sleep at night that is more important to your mental health than worrying about others. A caring person that especially loves you will not judge you and respect you more for revealing who you really are.



© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.

Living in Your Past vs. Remembering Your Past

There is a difference!

For those of you that have had a daunting past and have worked completely past it, I commend you. However, it's not that easy for everyone because some people's past have managed to leave scars that will be left until the day they die or only can heal through talking to someone like a therapist or a counselor. If you are seeing either of the two please know it does not mean you are crazy. It only shows that you are self aware and want to be a better person.

I do agree, though, that living in your past is not a good thing. It's means you are dwelling on it which can cause more pain and can damage you even physically. But if you are working thru your past it means you are putting it behind you. People on the outside especially close to you must understand you have an unfavorable past and to be supportive. If they love you they will happily do whatever they can for you to get past it.

All in all, everyone has gone thru something bad in their life. I think it's selfish if you find someone with a past worse than yours and you decide to drop them. People need people-- I believe. If they are not hurting you with your past then, empower them do not down them. Understand that a past can scar you and be sensitive to that.

I am writing this because I have a horrific past that I am still to this day trying to get thru and deal with. However, I don't drag people down with it either. I do let people know about my past, even people I decide to date so they can make the choice whether they want to deal with me or not. Deal with me meaning--- they will understand that I may not be very trusting of certain things, have low toleration for anything disrespectful, and maybe more aware of situations that arise than others. My past has left me a bit uneasy, some may say informally paranoid, and worrisome because I don't want to go thru pain anymore. It's something that I wake up everyday and try to fix. Tho people who get to know me realize my past has left me more emphathetic, understanding, unjudgemental, and caring toward other people's feelings.

In the past, I was chastised for my past and had it thrown in my face. Instead of this person loving me for who I am, my past included, I got badgered with uncaring and insensitive remarks. I want to be appreciated for still standing and being able to empower other people because of my past. I don't walk around like a bump on a log, I smile and laugh quite a bit tho I am scarred.

I am always going to remember my past, everyone who has a memory will and in a way it becomes apart of us. Because of that we will all act accordingly to certain situations in different ways than others. God gave us a memory for a reason-- not to relive but to build character. That's just a part of life.

If you put your hand on a hot stove and remember in the past that you got burned... are you going to do it again? We remember to learn lessons, that doesn't mean we are living in our past.


People who live in the past, in my opinion, tend to be evil, bitter, uncaring, and negative. They are also unable to move forward because they don't believe their is a bright future. They basically have lost hope.

They key is to learn to live with your past which means being able to forgive then it frees you to live past your past.

© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.

To Be Unprepared for Life

Means you are also not prepared

for a serious relationship!

Often we take breakups personal. I mean, it is personal because it happened to you. However, if you really think about the factors that ended it, most of the time you will come to the conclusion that you and/or the other person just does not have it together yet. If you focus on that being the cause than you being it or the other person, you will begin to accept it. It's easier on the breakup if you place blame on the situation than the people involved.

Sometimes it's just that--- you were not ready. You are not even ready for the real world even if you are living in it. When you are in a serious relationship, you often think of marriage and that is a part of life you really must be prepared for. You must be able to step up to the plate and handle adult decisions with that person. But you have to know how to deal with adult decisions by yourself first.

It can work if you are just learning in the real world, but I think it takes a special couple to learn together and grow in the same direction with the same ideals. This also makes for a relationship with a rough road ahead. I do believe sometimes love conquers.

However, I just love it when I ask a guy "Why are you single?" and he explains "Well, because I am not financially stable yet." That's very mature, and that is a part of being prepared for life-- tho there is more to it than that. Not only should you be financially ready for life, but you gotta be mentally ready too.

Sometimes there's resentment and envy if you are dating someone that is prepared and you are seemingly lagging behind—you want to get someone equal to you in your stage of life and mindset. It's significantly important to understand that. It's also important for the other person to understand that as well. It's good to know each other long enough to find out what stages of life the two are in and if it will match. If you are not even close to where you want to be in life, you really have no business getting serious with anyone. It will only be the beginning to an end of your relationship in most cases.

"Start looking for you and then you can find your better half."

© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.

Guess what I heard thru the Grapevine about 2009?

That we are all going to be fine starting in 2009!!!



Yes! We are all going to be just fine, I feel it and I have seen it. I watched all of you on my social networks making it happen. Maybe it's just the people I know right now, but I love what I am seeing and am glad to be apart of your lives going into this new year. There might be times we all get busy but I hope we all can connect the dots back to each other and not lose track of the people we love. I will be working on this tricky task as well. I want to also sit back and see the people in my life blow up and hope that this year I will be in the position to help all of you that are important to me as I have already started my own business with my accountant.

I am so blessed to have all of you that I have in my life. I have to admit, I have formed a powerful circle that I have carried into 2009. You have been part of my inspiration that really do great things in 2009 and the years to come. I finally have hope and the motivation to push my dream into reality. I can't wait to make all of you proud of what I have in store for this year. All I ask is for all of you to be patient as I will with you. There might be times I will not be able to correspond with you personally but never think I do not have each and one of you in my life in my thoughts. Don't ever think I don't want to make all of you a part of my dream and accomplishments.

I know that all of you will do well in 2009, the group that I created with all 300 plus of you in it has shown me how many people have the willingness to make 2009 a positive year for all of us no matter what the circumstances and hardships we may endure. It is people like you that keep people like me going. You are helping me stop the trend of allowing my daunting experiences from years before hinder me from moving forward and achieving my dreams. And it's why I continue to help you and promote you when I see you doing something I truly have faith in. You all are important to me and make this world a better place. Let's keep doing this for years coming!

Thank you again for being a part of my life. Don't let what I heard just be a rumor!

Marika