Thursday, January 29, 2009

Silence Is Not Bliss

But we often think it is!

Most of us were raised with the theory that some things are not proper to discuss. Our parents told us to be quiet, society tells us to be quiet, and then our inner thoughts tell us to be quiet. Why? Because telling our "secrets" has been embedded in our brains as almost sinful. To be vulnerable to others makes you susceptible to pain. Well, pain in our lifetime is inevitable and a necessary part of life. The positive in that pain is being able to share that with others, in my opinion.

I was programmed by my father to always keep my lips closed because he is very old fashioned in that if I shared anything about myself I was sharing intimate things about our family which is wrong. Well what my father taught was proved to be wrong because my father's silence is what ruined our family and is what has changed my perception of him. I was also taught to help people by my mother. Sharing my life and my thoughts with others is for a purpose and that is to help people. What my mother taught me brings me the best joy in my life. It makes me feel great to see that I have done that as it makes me feel like I have a reason for living. I am not able to help people with money, though I would if I could, so I help people with my experience. It does not feel wrong to me.

Hence, we are told that telling our business is the worst thing on earth to do. I believe that keeping quiet about certain things can cause major problems and keeps us from bonding with others. And it keeps us from learning who we really are because if we are lying to others in most cases we are also lying to ourselves. With every article I write and every deep conversation I have with someone I grow as a person positively. I find out so many things I was not aware of before, and that to me is beautiful. I love it when people share parts of themselves with me. It is not because I am nosy but because there is a lesson in everyone's life that I can learn from. I love it when I share my experiences and thoughts with others because I have witnessed people learn from me as well.

It's not easy to talk about certain things or share yourself with others. I know this firsthand especially since I was taught by my father to keep things to myself-it was hard to break out of that. I also realize that some things you tell people can be used against you. It doesn't stop me from sharing but it just makes realize which people deserve to know about me. There were certain things through out my life that I was advised not to discuss. However, that is also advising me to not be who I am. It is also asking me not to reveal the real me to others. That is not a healthy way of living for the plans I feel I have set for my life. I can only imagine how unhealthy it can be for others after a while. Keeping things so dark and so scary can even break the most powerful person down. It's unneeded trauma sitting on your brain that should be released. We must to keep our brain healthy as it is our controlling to unit to every organ in our body.

I am writing this because there will be times in everyone's life that some things may happen that you may not want to talk about because it is embarrassing, shameful, scary, or just too taboo to share. That to me is the time you should talk about it. The fears you have of telling certain aspects of your life are imaginary and also temporary. Most of the time after sharing something you were so adamant not to share due to insecurities will free your soul in so many ways. It will be feel like a boulder you were carrying lifted off your shoulders. If it bothers you to keep it in, then it only makes sense that it would be healthier to let it out.

Share things with your partner too…

If you can't open up to anyone in your life, the one person you should be able to open up to is your partner, considering you love this person and wish to keep them in your life interminably. You should also be open enough to talk about things with in the relationship that bother you without fear. Many people opt to not share certain thoughts with their mate because of the fear of that person not understanding, caring or empathizing. If you have those fears you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. In a relationship I feel you should be able to tell your partner anything without any reservations that he or she might leave you. Many people keep quiet about certain things due to how society deals with that certain kind of news. Society is so judgmental and not empathetic--- not enough to allow people to want to talk about anything. That is why so many of us don't speak up on issues and that is sad. There are still incidents of children not being able to tell their parents and friends they are gay, raped, abused, or even in trouble. I know many "secrets" about people that they have not even told their mate and probably never will. There have been times even in my own relationships that I have kept things to myself that I feel I should have been brave enough to say whether they left me or not. I had to come to the conclusion that I desire a mate that will stand by me no matter what so long as I don't maliciously hurt him. I think we all deserve to have people like that in our life.

I have been judged heavily on my openness but that is what I choose to do and is what I feel like I need to do for so many reasons. I am a raw, jagged edged person with a desire to connect with the masses. I have risked so much doing this, for example; people have chastised me and relationships have ended because I refuse to remain silent when I am feeling uncomfortable due to unsavory actions affecting our bond. I cringe when I witness so many people in relationships choose not to divulge things that bother them in order to keep the peace. Where is the peace in that? The other person is feeling serenity but your thoughts are not. That's not fair to you and eventually won't be fair to the relationship. And it's also not fair to the relationship if you can tell others sacred things about you but you cannot to someone that are one with and someone that should be the most important person to you. You are not allowing that person to know the real you nor are you giving that person faith to really love all of you.

We can not continue to live life in silence because of other people and their issues. When people judge you for things that you say (considering they are not malicious toward others) or become bothered with your statements you, know that it is not you they are bothered with, it's them. If sharing helps you breathe and sleep at night that is more important to your mental health than worrying about others. A caring person that especially loves you will not judge you and respect you more for revealing who you really are.

© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.
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Monday, January 5, 2009

Living in Your Past vs. Remembering Your Past

There is a difference!

For those of you that have had a daunting past and have worked completely past it, I commend you. However, it's not that easy for everyone because some people's past have managed to leave scars that will be left until the day they die or only can heal through talking to someone like a therapist or a counselor. If you are seeing either of the two please know it does not mean you are crazy. It only shows that you are self aware and want to be a better person.

I do agree, though, that living in your past is not a good thing. It's means you are dwelling on it which can cause more pain and can damage you even physically. But if you are working thru your past it means you are putting it behind you. People on the outside especially close to you must understand you have an unfavorable past and to be supportive. If they love you they will happily do whatever they can for you to get past it.

All in all, everyone has gone thru
something bad in their life. I think it's selfish if you find someone with a past worse than yours and you decide to drop them. People need people-- I believe. If they are not hurting you with your past then, empower them do not down them. Understand that a past can scar you and be sensitive to that.

I am writing this because I have a horrific past that I
am still to this day trying to get thru and deal with. However, I don't drag people down with it either. I do let people know about my past, even people I decide to date so they can make the choice whether they want to deal with me or not. Deal with me meaning--- they will understand that I may not be very trusting of certain things, have low toleration for anything disrespectful, and maybe more aware of situations that arise than others. My past has left me a bit uneasy, some may say informally paranoid, and worrisome because I don't want to go thru pain anymore. It's something that I wake up everyday and try to fix. Tho people who get to know me realize my past has left me more emphathetic, understanding, unjudgemental, and caring toward other people's feelings.

In the past, I was chastised for my past and had it thrown in my face. Instead of this person loving me for who I am, my past included, I got badgered with uncaring and insensitive remarks. I want to be appreciated for still standing and being able to empower other people because of my past. I don't walk around like a bump on a log, I smile and laugh quite a bit tho I am scarred.

I am always going to remember my past, everyone who has a memory will and in a way it becomes apart of us. Because of that we will all act accordingly to certain situations in different ways than others. God gave us a memory for a reason-- not to relive but to buil
d character. That's just a part of life.

If you put your hand on a hot stove and remember in the past that you got burned... are you going to do it again? We remember to learn lessons, that doesn't mean we are living in our past.

People who live in the past, in my opinion, tend to be evil,
bitter, uncaring, and negative. They are also unable to move forward because they don't believe their is a bright future. They basically have lost hope.

They key is to learn to live with your past which means
being able to forgive then it frees you to live past your past.

© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.
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Friday, January 2, 2009

To Be Unprepared for Life

Means you are also not prepared
for a serious relationship!

Often we take breakups personal. I mean, it is personal because it happened to you. However, if you really think about the factors that ended it, most of the time you will come to the conclusion that you and/or the other person just does not have it together yet. If you focus on that being the cause than you being it or the other person, you will begin to accept it. It's easier on the breakup if you place blame on the situation than the people involved.

Sometimes it's just that--- you were not ready. You are not even ready for the real world even if you are living in it. When you are in a serious relationship, you often think of marriage and that is a part of life you really must be prepared for. You must be able to step up to the plate and handle adult decisions with that person. But you have to know how to deal with adult decisions by yourself first.

It can work if you are just learning in the real world, but I think it takes a special couple to learn together and grow in the same direction with the same ideals. This also makes for a relationship with a rough road ahead. I do believe sometimes love conquers.

However, I just love it when I ask a guy "Why are you single?" and he explains "Well, because I am not financially stable yet." That's very mature, and that is a part of being prepared for life-- tho there is more to it than that. Not only should you be financially ready for life, but you gotta be mentally ready too.

Sometimes there's resentment and envy if you are dating someone that is prepared and you are seemingly lagging behind—you want to get someone equal to you in your stage of life and mindset. It's significantly important to understand that. It's also important for the other person to understand that as well. It's good to know each other long enough to find out what stages of life the two are in and if it will match. If you are not even close to where you want to be in life, you really have no business getting serious with anyone. It will only be the beginning to an end of your relationship in most cases.

"Start looking for you and then you can find your better half."

© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.

To Be Unprepared for LifeSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Guess what I heard thru the Grapevine about 2009?

That we are all going to be fine starting in 2009!!!

Yes! We are all going to be just fine, I feel it and I have seen it. I watched all of you on my social networks making it happen. Maybe it's just the people I know right now, but I love what I am seeing and am glad to be apart of your lives going into this new year. There might be times we all get busy but I hope we all can connect the dots back to each other and not lose track of the people we love. I will be working on this tricky task as well. I want to also sit back and see the people in my life blow up and hope that this year I will be in the position to help all of you that are important to me as I have already started my own business with my accountant.

I am so blessed to have all of you that I have in my life. I have to admit, I have formed a powerful circle that I have carried into 2009. You have been part of my inspiration that really do great things in 2009 and the years to come. I finally have hope and the motivation to push my dream into reality. I can't wait to make all of you proud of what I have in store for this year. All I ask is for all of you to be patient as I will with you. There might be times I will not be able to correspond with you personally but never think I do not have each and one of you in my life in my thoughts. Don't ever think I don't want to make all of you a part of my dream and accomplishments.

I know that all of you will do well in 2009, the group that I created with all 300 plus of you in it has shown me how many people have the willingness to make 2009 a positive year for all of us no matter what the circumstances and hardships we may endure. It is people like you that keep people like me going. You are helping me stop the trend of allowing my daunting experiences from years before hinder me from moving forward and achieving my dreams. And it's why I continue to help you and promote you when I see you doing something I truly have faith in. You all are important to me and make this world a better place. Let's keep doing this for years coming!

Thank you again for being a part of my life. Don't let what I heard just be a rumor!

Guess what I heard thru the Grapevine about 2009?SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend