Thursday, January 29, 2009

Silence Is Not Bliss

But we often think it is!

Most of us were raised with the theory that some things are not proper to discuss. Our parents told us to be quiet, society tells us to be quiet, and then our inner thoughts tell us to be quiet. Why? Because telling our "secrets" has been embedded in our brains as almost sinful. To be vulnerable to others makes you susceptible to pain. Well, pain in our lifetime is inevitable and a necessary part of life. The positive in that pain is being able to share that with others, in my opinion.

I was programmed by my father to always keep my lips closed because he is very old fashioned in that if I shared anything about myself I was sharing intimate things about our family which is wrong. Well what my father taught was proved to be wrong because my father's silence is what ruined our family and is what has changed my perception of him. I was also taught to help people by my mother. Sharing my life and my thoughts with others is for a purpose and that is to help people. What my mother taught me brings me the best joy in my life. It makes me feel great to see that I have done that as it makes me feel like I have a reason for living. I am not able to help people with money, though I would if I could, so I help people with my experience. It does not feel wrong to me.

Hence, we are told that telling our business is the worst thing on earth to do. I believe that keeping quiet about certain things can cause major problems and keeps us from bonding with others. And it keeps us from learning who we really are because if we are lying to others in most cases we are also lying to ourselves. With every article I write and every deep conversation I have with someone I grow as a person positively. I find out so many things I was not aware of before, and that to me is beautiful. I love it when people share parts of themselves with me. It is not because I am nosy but because there is a lesson in everyone's life that I can learn from. I love it when I share my experiences and thoughts with others because I have witnessed people learn from me as well.

It's not easy to talk about certain things or share yourself with others. I know this firsthand especially since I was taught by my father to keep things to myself-it was hard to break out of that. I also realize that some things you tell people can be used against you. It doesn't stop me from sharing but it just makes realize which people deserve to know about me. There were certain things through out my life that I was advised not to discuss. However, that is also advising me to not be who I am. It is also asking me not to reveal the real me to others. That is not a healthy way of living for the plans I feel I have set for my life. I can only imagine how unhealthy it can be for others after a while. Keeping things so dark and so scary can even break the most powerful person down. It's unneeded trauma sitting on your brain that should be released. We must to keep our brain healthy as it is our controlling to unit to every organ in our body.

I am writing this because there will be times in everyone's life that some things may happen that you may not want to talk about because it is embarrassing, shameful, scary, or just too taboo to share. That to me is the time you should talk about it. The fears you have of telling certain aspects of your life are imaginary and also temporary. Most of the time after sharing something you were so adamant not to share due to insecurities will free your soul in so many ways. It will be feel like a boulder you were carrying lifted off your shoulders. If it bothers you to keep it in, then it only makes sense that it would be healthier to let it out.

Share things with your partner too…

If you can't open up to anyone in your life, the one person you should be able to open up to is your partner, considering you love this person and wish to keep them in your life interminably. You should also be open enough to talk about things with in the relationship that bother you without fear. Many people opt to not share certain thoughts with their mate because of the fear of that person not understanding, caring or empathizing. If you have those fears you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. In a relationship I feel you should be able to tell your partner anything without any reservations that he or she might leave you. Many people keep quiet about certain things due to how society deals with that certain kind of news. Society is so judgmental and not empathetic--- not enough to allow people to want to talk about anything. That is why so many of us don't speak up on issues and that is sad. There are still incidents of children not being able to tell their parents and friends they are gay, raped, abused, or even in trouble. I know many "secrets" about people that they have not even told their mate and probably never will. There have been times even in my own relationships that I have kept things to myself that I feel I should have been brave enough to say whether they left me or not. I had to come to the conclusion that I desire a mate that will stand by me no matter what so long as I don't maliciously hurt him. I think we all deserve to have people like that in our life.

I have been judged heavily on my openness but that is what I choose to do and is what I feel like I need to do for so many reasons. I am a raw, jagged edged person with a desire to connect with the masses. I have risked so much doing this, for example; people have chastised me and relationships have ended because I refuse to remain silent when I am feeling uncomfortable due to unsavory actions affecting our bond. I cringe when I witness so many people in relationships choose not to divulge things that bother them in order to keep the peace. Where is the peace in that? The other person is feeling serenity but your thoughts are not. That's not fair to you and eventually won't be fair to the relationship. And it's also not fair to the relationship if you can tell others sacred things about you but you cannot to someone that are one with and someone that should be the most important person to you. You are not allowing that person to know the real you nor are you giving that person faith to really love all of you.

We can not continue to live life in silence because of other people and their issues. When people judge you for things that you say (considering they are not malicious toward others) or become bothered with your statements you, know that it is not you they are bothered with, it's them. If sharing helps you breathe and sleep at night that is more important to your mental health than worrying about others. A caring person that especially loves you will not judge you and respect you more for revealing who you really are.

© Marika Bree. All Rights Reserved.
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  1. Yes, speak up! Movie recommendation: THe Winslow Boy.

  2. Oh great thank you! I will check that out!

  3. Incredible post!!! I have been taught the same way by my parents; that is, to be quiet and anything that goes on with me or my immediate family is no persons business. This approach has kept me from being honest with myself; more importantly, kept me from knowing others beyond the superficial level. Fortunately, I have learned the same as you and made great progress but I know that I still have improvements much to be made.