The Pre-Date Killer

"Whipped Cream and Chocolate?"

Recently, I was considering going out on a date with someone. This one actually seemed like a "nice guy". I am beginning to think that I have this sign (that only guys can see) that says "Bad boys in disguise welcome." Anyways, well the date was put to a hold along with any communication because he did something before even going on the date that he shouldn't have. It's a shame because this guy has been pursuing me since the beginning of this year. I still think he could be a nice guy but perhaps not what I am looking for anymore. I am not going to sit here and play like I am an innocent little girl that doesn't do anything wrong or anything close to a prude. What I will say is that I am a lady and I deserve to be treated as such. And tho at this moment I am absolutely drained when it comes to men sometimes I think it's nice to have a sincere man to talk to now and again. I still believe there are good men out there and just some of the ones I chose happened to treat me like a rag doll because it's either what they do or something I put out there. Which brings me to what I feel can be the a huge pre-date killer.

Now read this carefully...

It doesn't matter if you are drunk or delirious from lack of sleep, it is not appropriate to tell a girl what you would like to do with her or how good you are before you even went on a date. Most of us don't care to know and will find it a turn off. It just gives us the perception that you just want us for sex. We already know it's probably on your mind before the date but to validate it will just make us think about it on the date which is very uncomfortable, to say the least.

So think about that the next time you ask a woman you really like out on a date. If the chemistry is there after the date then maybe you can bring up whipped cream and chocolate then, otherwise keep it to yourself because it's not amusing or classy.

Stay tuned for more pre-date killers... that even I actually have been guilty of. I have friends working on my relationship site so you never know next time you see me I might be on my own official site.

Thanks for reading!



was w/out tv, phone (barely), internet and a computer all day yesterday. It was HORRIBLE! TIP: Back up ur data to the RITE place. I didn't!

"Just because people are not saying anything doesn't mean they aren't watching. On the contrary, most people won't choose both." inspired

The Empowerment of Knowing Why Things Happen For a Reason

And What You Have Done Good or Bad Has a Purpose

Yesterday, I wrote a pretty negative note tho some of you wrote me and felt it hit home. That is not who I strive to be though. It took me talking to my coach Troy Byer to ultimately get me out of that negativity. I have to thank her for that. In our talk, she helped me realize the very thing that the topic of this note states. This past week has been a whirlwind for me. Without going into details, I did some things that I felt were out of character for me. Now, I am back in GA--- back to the real me which feels great. Looking back on what I did now after talking it out I realize there was a lot of value in what happened. It's much better to look at life experiences that way than the way I was for the past couple days. I know what I don't like, do like, who I want to be and who I don't want to be. I also know what I won't do ever again.

I can now help other people when they even give what I did a second thought. First thing is, I realize I need to create calculated breaks for myself when I get burned out with all that do instead of spontaneous getaways substituted as a break. Sometimes we meet someone that we really need at that moment to help us get over something we probably couldn't in years. In other words, I realize that certain people are truly brought together for a reason at times. I understand how using the word no is so valuable and how destructive it can be if you allow yourself to be afraid to use it. I realize I am a strong woman that can deal with maybe more than many in this world especially being blessed having such amazingly loving people in my life. I realize I have a purpose for others within myself and my own daunting experiences. I realize people look up to me and I need to honor that privilege. I realize what is most important is that I don't have to be perfect because I am a human being. In my experiences, I can't judge but only love myself and others even in the existent imperfections. I realize this recent experience could potentially protect me from something incredibly destructive down the road. This experience is most importantly bringing me closer to God. I realize He is the only one that can really hold me close and protect me-- I just have to allow him to do so. But even in times I don't he still works hard to do so. That's beautiful.

I have found out so much about myself that I don't want to get too much into detail-- but know today it's beautiful things not bad. I can't dwell on my unfavorable thoughts and thanks to friends and family I can stand strong on that. God gave me these gifts and I really have to be grateful for that. After I wrote the note I did last night, I received uplifting emails from good people, good friends that I love. And even phone calls. I didn't know that people cared that much-- thank you. You didn't even ask to know any details you just wanted to know I was okay. I am okay, I will be okay and I have all the support and love I need not to be. This just proves that I have to continue my journey on loving myself and understanding that I will mess up sometimes but that doesn't make me a bad person. It's makes what we all are--- HUMAN.

"There truly is a reason for everything that happens in our lives, it's our responsibility to figure it out and embrace it."

With Love,

Marika

"You want people in your life that compliment and support you, not ones that are out to fix you because ultimately only you can fix you."

"I focus on controlling myself instead of others around me b/c I know that is impossible & the only way to get what I want & need in life."

now says "No Tungle, No Talk!" especially in business. If you want to talk or get a 30-min free consultation then click http://ow.ly/2AJ0G.

"The best time to keep going is when it gets really tough, most people stop so that puts you at the head of the this game we call life."

"Thinking positively will push u to do positive things which will lead to positive life events, thinking negatively will do the opposite."

"When you see beautiful things, it's just a reflection of the beauty in you be/c everything ultimately was created by one being." myquote

"When you see beautiful things, it's just a reflection of the beauty in you be/c everything ultimately was created by one being." myquote

is open for scheduling time w/people business wise & even personal this month. Pls use this link to get in touch w/me http://bit.ly/cM1HFG.

posted a new article @ http://ow.ly/2zMuQ called "He is not Bad but He is Not Good Either". Please check it out & share your thoughts! =P

He is Not Bad but He is Not Good Either

At Least Probably Not Good for You

Since my last article about “courting” and how men can be hurting their chances with a girl before he even gets the girl, I decided to semi jump back into the dating scene. Then, I was electing to be single. I think I may jump back out into singlehood again. I am not ready because I still find myself wanting to settle on things that maybe I shouldn’t due to my own fears of never finding the one. I have to realize, I deserve that—a man perfect for me. And this last whirlwind, which is what I would like to call it, has helped me come to terms with the fact that there are men out there that are good men but not good for me. Often times, I put it back on myself that maybe I am not good for them, which is wrong thinking. It doesn’t help with your perception of yourself which happens to be pretty darn important. However, I am not saying to think “It’s the other person’s fault” is right either. It’s just better than thinking poorly of yourself especially if you are in the process and journey of learning to love yourself to its full capacity. And there truly is someone for everyone. I know this because yesterday while on facebook I saw this post that I totally thought was a quack about how this couple’s open relationship is pure and secure. The woman seemed to love this concept her man has come up with tho someone like me would not have but that’s for another blog. My point is, that proved my previous statement.

I have found especially lately that a guy that does nice things for me is a guy I would like to date almost ignoring other components that are important for me to consider making him my significant other. Subconsciously due to experiences, I am programmed to think that there aren’t that many guys that do nice things. I mistakably think that a guy doing such nice things moreso than the average guy that he wants to commit or be with me and that may not be the case either. Nor should I think I need to be with him. Ultimately, though there comes a time a woman gets tired of the “bad guy” and just wants someone genuinely kind. But what do you do with a guy that is so amazingly kind but gives you mixed signals? Do you keep trying because he is so nice or do you move on to the next one in hopes he will be just as kind or better? Do you wait for his mindset or feelings to change? Then you think… “Does perfect for you even exist?” I mean really deep down we all know the answers to these questions but will still somehow feel some uncertainty. If we become more confident, occupied with other things, sure of ourselves, and trust in God then the answer to all of those will result in moving on for someone even better. Don’t worry, I am also telling myself this very thing as I write this article for my readers.

I have seen people have it all in a relationship. It’s not too good to be true and when time allots for it, it will come. It’s something we all must believe in order for it to happen. If someone else can have it then we can too. I mean what makes them different? Luck? God likes them better? I can’t even try to believe that anymore. We don’t really have to just dream of this idea when we lay our heads on our pillows at night. With each guy now, because I think I am getting closer I have decided to write down a list of pros and cons on him. We all fit as a puzzle together. A blunt edge of a puzzle won’t fit with another blunt edged piece of the puzzle, kind of like the trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I know not everyone is perfect but there is someone out there great for me. That list will help me determine what things I must have and others I can let go in that person I am currently dating. This way I don’t stay in a situation that I am not completely happy in or don’t pursue someone that is just not that into me. Most of us, including myself just write a general list on a man that does not currently exist. So if you are reading this with the same uncertainty I discuss, start writing down your list on the guy or girl you are seeing now. This exercise can apply to men as well.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

That [That]

"When you give freely to people genuinely to see them happy, then God will bless you with happiness in return. Just let leave it to Him."

"In life there are always warning signs that we recognize later, they key is to recognize them now to have a better life in every aspect."

"If you strongly believe and want good people around you then good people will be around you." thatmarika

In life you will meet people that will help you w/no return, keep in mind those are sincere people that you should give back to in some way.

believes that everything u want in life is in an abundance, the issue is our programmed thinking that it isn't, so then it isn't. illusions perception

It's such a beautiful thing when u spend time w/someone that shows u how much they care about u instead of simply telling u. tlc

Get Her to Get her

The Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

As I have gotten older, I have realized that there are things you can build up to in order to get what you want in life. Same goes for men getting the girl they want. When I was younger, I was impressionable and a guy could do pretty much anything even semi-charming to "get me". Now that I have matured, I have come to terms of what I do deserve which makes it more difficult to please me. I think the same goes for other women in my position--- at least it should.

Having been completely single for some time now has given me time to really observe certain situations in relationships. One thing I have realized is how much men don't realize what they could be doing to kill their chance with certain women. At this point in my life, there is a lot at stake for me when picking the wrong guy and I realize that so I try to be a lot smarter in the choices I make. That means from Day 1, I am analyzing the exchange between myself and the potential guy I am talking to. Like I said , I didn't used to do that, I used to be more lighthearted and easier to please which caused me to miss things even from the first day. I feel a lot of women do this which is why men are the way they are too.

In this process of being single but also open to getting to know what different men are all about, I have also witnessed what guys do that really wouldn't push me to date them even if I might pick up their call the next day to chat. Which I wonder are the same things that would cause other women not to go out with a guy, especially if they are keeping their options open.

Those things are so small but actually a big deal going forward because now that I have lived long enough I realize small things tell a lot about the person's personality which may not match with me in the long run. Doesn't mean you are horrible potential for someone else that is a lot easier going but it is something to keep in mind. So finally, here goes the small things I have decided to keep a running list of:

If you are interested in a woman you may want to:

Call or text her daily (or do a variation of) - Sometimes it's nice to let her know even you are thinking of her even if it's "Hi! How are you doing?". Any girl who says she doesn't like it, means she is really not that into you, not ready for a commitment, or just says that to seem cool. Note: If she doesn't exchange conversation with you or is short with you please stop doing this immediately.

Call or text after she leaves you from an evening together - If it's late and she is being sent home or decides to go home (even if you are just friends at this point) it's nice to know that you care that she made it home okay. Men fail to do this quite often, so this definitely will make you stand out from all other men she might be talking to.

Pick her up - This is so old fashioned I know but the point of this is women love it when you come to them. Forget all the women that say they don't mind coming to you, they are just trying to be cool again. What a beautiful thought to see a man even just offer to pick a woman up for a date. That's why they display that kind of romance in the movies (duh). I mean when a guy says to me "Let me come to your house and visit. How about I pick you up and we go out on your side of town." is the most attractive thing especially since I live in Siberia compared to everyone else.

Now that you have read my top three things I think you get the picture. Those three things are small things but a big deal that a lot of men don't do. I could list more but if this article becomes popular, I will Vblog a continuation of this.

There is also one thing I will mention guys that you could do to ruin a future relationship with a girl. And ladies listen up, when a guy does this and you accept it I promise you he will never take you seriously. So read closely:

Refrain from getting too sexual with her - This includes sex talk and pictures. You can flirt but once you start talking about what you can do or would do to her--- I have found that the respect is out the window and it drives your relationship or potential relationship into another direction unless you have been together for quite some time and have already had sex. I love it when a guy is just really interested in me especially in the beginning and not my body. Women already know you think with your other head quite often so that doesn't need to be confirmed until both parties are ready for that kind of intimacy.

In closing, I have to say that most guys don't do this because us girls accept you not doing this. Some of us don't know any better due to lack of experience. Some of us are hopeless romantics and take you for all the other great qualities. But courting (which is almost non existent these days) is the most important thing to a woman especially if she is dating and has choices. If you are not the only person she is talking to and you don't do things such as what I listed, you will not stand out for her to even chose you over the others. You could miss out on a really great lady.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

Human Imperfection

"Don't get misguided. I am no angel, nor do I claim to be. I have done things wrong, and I have done things right. My pure intentions are always to do things right, but I also have unpure thoughts caused by my ego that sometimes does unfavorable things. The good news is that my intentions are never to be malicious. I am okay with this because I understand this is a part of being a human being."

"Knowing my past is to know who I was... knowing my present is to know who I am, but knowing my future is to know who I will become."

posted a new blog @ http://ping.fm/4t7d3 about relationships. Check it out!

How to Make the Most Secure Insecure

It's Possible, Promise!


I know you are wondering "Why would I want to learn how to do that?" Well, I thought if I can tell you how you can do it, maybe most of you reading this will do the oposite and learn something--- like how not to do it. I have had a clear mind to really get this done to a science since I have been single for quite some time. Observing what people do other people instead of myself has been very educational for me.

I realize that for the most part, men and women are secure in a relationship until there is an event that happens that causes them to flip to the other side. Mind you, I am generally speaking; there are situations where people go into a relationship insecure due to past situations. For the ones that leave their baggage behind, there are still ways to cause a person to feel insecure about the relationship. I find that reaction to be quite natural. That insecurity sometimes is your intuition talking.

Before I go into how to do it, I have to first say that the one thing that is very important in a relationship is trust. Trust is like the glue that holds a relationship together. Once that is gone--- your relationship is gone even if you decide to hold on. There are many ways other than outright lying or cheating that can cause a person to lose trust in their mate or significant other. That's the simplistic way to thinking but in these days most of us have become creative.

The second thing I want to say that if you become insecure-it's probably because your mate is insecure. Misery loves company. If you hang with that company sometimes you become it-or the other person will do things to ensure that you do just that. So I know you are dying to know what these innovative things are that we can do to make another person insecure.

Picture this:

In the beginning, you decided you were so excited about the new person you were dating that you wanted to talk to them every day. Then, without explaination you decided to call every other day and then maybe three times a day… and then so on. Think about if the other person did that. Wouldn't that make anyone suspicious? Now, for you the reason the days got less and less is because your girlfriend/boyfriend fussed about it and made it an issue which made you feel less for them and now you want space all of a sudden. But who brought this kind of drama on? YOU. Why? All because you were inconsistent. As, humans we are creatures of habit. That is something to stay mindful of always while dealing with anyone really. This actually seems to be the most classic case.

Here's another scenario:

You pretty much live together, and you decide you want to go out a lot and hang with the boys/girls. However, you never had quite an interest in that before. Maybe you feel crowded, maybe you need some space, maybe you are just plain bored, who knows. But when you go out, you may drink a little or maybe even a lot, do some things (not necessarily cheating) that your girl or guy may not like so you decide not to say anything. I mean what he or she doesn't know doesn't hurt them right? Wrong. Keep in mind the world is small and so is the city you live in. With that said, your girl/guy hears something and questions you. Now you are in a situation to explain but the way you explain even to you sounds like a sac ah (fill in the blank), but you keep going. Now you look like a liar. Now every time your mate sees you go out he or she is now having an issue with it. Why? Just because of that one incident you wish your mate would forget about. The reality is, no matter what you do, they will not forget. Now, your relationship is strained. You want to go out, and they don't want you to. Now vent to your boys/girls about how controlling and insecure they are when you are the person that caused it in the first place.

In both of these scenarios, the person could have had the best intentions and not even realized what they were doing to the other person. The two things, I realize that has be included in a relationship is "consistancy" and "consideration". Always remember the two c's. The other "c" that was lacking in both stories is that the person failed to "communicate". IF for some reason you lack the two other c's the least you can do is not lack the other "c" which is "communication". Lack all three and the relationship might as well be over.

And for the person that starts feeling insecure, it might be something for you to look into. Because I have been single for a while now, I truly truly can say that there is no reason to stay in a relationship that you are not happy in. The saying "You can do bad by yourself." is the truth. And the bad yourself is not as bad as the bad with someone else that is not treating you the way you deserve and they even know you deserve. That person can easily become a small guppie in a huge pool of water. And why "work on" a relationship before you even get married-in most cases you will have to "work on" the marriage probably several times throughout the years if you last a long time. I am no stranger to knowing how hard relationships are but I now believe that they don't have to be that hard before you get married. I think it really should be probational time.

In conclusion, if you are complaining about your mate being insecure try looking at what you might be doing to them to make them react in that manner. Warning though, it will take much maturity and hummility to even do this. If you lack that, then maybe you should try being single like me for a while. *wink*

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

"When you become more true to who you are, it will then be easier for your dreams to come true."

is getting organized so that work is easier and documents are less difficult to find. On day 2 - had a lot to do!