Sunday, September 5, 2010

He is Not Bad but He is Not Good Either

At Least Probably Not Good for You

Since my last article about “courting” and how men can be hurting their chances with a girl before he even gets the girl, I decided to semi jump back into the dating scene. Then, I was electing to be single. I think I may jump back out into singlehood again. I am not ready because I still find myself wanting to settle on things that maybe I shouldn’t due to my own fears of never finding the one. I have to realize, I deserve that—a man perfect for me. And this last whirlwind, which is what I would like to call it, has helped me come to terms with the fact that there are men out there that are good men but not good for me. Often times, I put it back on myself that maybe I am not good for them, which is wrong thinking. It doesn’t help with your perception of yourself which happens to be pretty darn important. However, I am not saying to think “It’s the other person’s fault” is right either. It’s just better than thinking poorly of yourself especially if you are in the process and journey of learning to love yourself to its full capacity. And there truly is someone for everyone. I know this because yesterday while on facebook I saw this post that I totally thought was a quack about how this couple’s open relationship is pure and secure. The woman seemed to love this concept her man has come up with tho someone like me would not have but that’s for another blog. My point is, that proved my previous statement.

I have found especially lately that a guy that does nice things for me is a guy I would like to date almost ignoring other components that are important for me to consider making him my significant other. Subconsciously due to experiences, I am programmed to think that there aren’t that many guys that do nice things. I mistakably think that a guy doing such nice things moreso than the average guy that he wants to commit or be with me and that may not be the case either. Nor should I think I need to be with him. Ultimately, though there comes a time a woman gets tired of the “bad guy” and just wants someone genuinely kind. But what do you do with a guy that is so amazingly kind but gives you mixed signals? Do you keep trying because he is so nice or do you move on to the next one in hopes he will be just as kind or better? Do you wait for his mindset or feelings to change? Then you think… “Does perfect for you even exist?” I mean really deep down we all know the answers to these questions but will still somehow feel some uncertainty. If we become more confident, occupied with other things, sure of ourselves, and trust in God then the answer to all of those will result in moving on for someone even better. Don’t worry, I am also telling myself this very thing as I write this article for my readers.

I have seen people have it all in a relationship. It’s not too good to be true and when time allots for it, it will come. It’s something we all must believe in order for it to happen. If someone else can have it then we can too. I mean what makes them different? Luck? God likes them better? I can’t even try to believe that anymore. We don’t really have to just dream of this idea when we lay our heads on our pillows at night. With each guy now, because I think I am getting closer I have decided to write down a list of pros and cons on him. We all fit as a puzzle together. A blunt edge of a puzzle won’t fit with another blunt edged piece of the puzzle, kind of like the trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I know not everyone is perfect but there is someone out there great for me. That list will help me determine what things I must have and others I can let go in that person I am currently dating. This way I don’t stay in a situation that I am not completely happy in or don’t pursue someone that is just not that into me. Most of us, including myself just write a general list on a man that does not currently exist. So if you are reading this with the same uncertainty I discuss, start writing down your list on the guy or girl you are seeing now. This exercise can apply to men as well.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

That [That]
He is Not Bad but He is Not Good EitherSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

1 comment:

  1. Patronization, is in my mind the single worst poison causing relationships to become none genuine. Paradoxically, then, we must be totally selfish when deciding who to pursue.