How to Make the Most Secure Insecure

It's Possible, Promise!


I know you are wondering "Why would I want to learn how to do that?" Well, I thought if I can tell you how you can do it, maybe most of you reading this will do the oposite and learn something--- like how not to do it. I have had a clear mind to really get this done to a science since I have been single for quite some time. Observing what people do other people instead of myself has been very educational for me.

I realize that for the most part, men and women are secure in a relationship until there is an event that happens that causes them to flip to the other side. Mind you, I am generally speaking; there are situations where people go into a relationship insecure due to past situations. For the ones that leave their baggage behind, there are still ways to cause a person to feel insecure about the relationship. I find that reaction to be quite natural. That insecurity sometimes is your intuition talking.

Before I go into how to do it, I have to first say that the one thing that is very important in a relationship is trust. Trust is like the glue that holds a relationship together. Once that is gone--- your relationship is gone even if you decide to hold on. There are many ways other than outright lying or cheating that can cause a person to lose trust in their mate or significant other. That's the simplistic way to thinking but in these days most of us have become creative.

The second thing I want to say that if you become insecure-it's probably because your mate is insecure. Misery loves company. If you hang with that company sometimes you become it-or the other person will do things to ensure that you do just that. So I know you are dying to know what these innovative things are that we can do to make another person insecure.

Picture this:

In the beginning, you decided you were so excited about the new person you were dating that you wanted to talk to them every day. Then, without explaination you decided to call every other day and then maybe three times a day… and then so on. Think about if the other person did that. Wouldn't that make anyone suspicious? Now, for you the reason the days got less and less is because your girlfriend/boyfriend fussed about it and made it an issue which made you feel less for them and now you want space all of a sudden. But who brought this kind of drama on? YOU. Why? All because you were inconsistent. As, humans we are creatures of habit. That is something to stay mindful of always while dealing with anyone really. This actually seems to be the most classic case.

Here's another scenario:

You pretty much live together, and you decide you want to go out a lot and hang with the boys/girls. However, you never had quite an interest in that before. Maybe you feel crowded, maybe you need some space, maybe you are just plain bored, who knows. But when you go out, you may drink a little or maybe even a lot, do some things (not necessarily cheating) that your girl or guy may not like so you decide not to say anything. I mean what he or she doesn't know doesn't hurt them right? Wrong. Keep in mind the world is small and so is the city you live in. With that said, your girl/guy hears something and questions you. Now you are in a situation to explain but the way you explain even to you sounds like a sac ah (fill in the blank), but you keep going. Now you look like a liar. Now every time your mate sees you go out he or she is now having an issue with it. Why? Just because of that one incident you wish your mate would forget about. The reality is, no matter what you do, they will not forget. Now, your relationship is strained. You want to go out, and they don't want you to. Now vent to your boys/girls about how controlling and insecure they are when you are the person that caused it in the first place.

In both of these scenarios, the person could have had the best intentions and not even realized what they were doing to the other person. The two things, I realize that has be included in a relationship is "consistancy" and "consideration". Always remember the two c's. The other "c" that was lacking in both stories is that the person failed to "communicate". IF for some reason you lack the two other c's the least you can do is not lack the other "c" which is "communication". Lack all three and the relationship might as well be over.

And for the person that starts feeling insecure, it might be something for you to look into. Because I have been single for a while now, I truly truly can say that there is no reason to stay in a relationship that you are not happy in. The saying "You can do bad by yourself." is the truth. And the bad yourself is not as bad as the bad with someone else that is not treating you the way you deserve and they even know you deserve. That person can easily become a small guppie in a huge pool of water. And why "work on" a relationship before you even get married-in most cases you will have to "work on" the marriage probably several times throughout the years if you last a long time. I am no stranger to knowing how hard relationships are but I now believe that they don't have to be that hard before you get married. I think it really should be probational time.

In conclusion, if you are complaining about your mate being insecure try looking at what you might be doing to them to make them react in that manner. Warning though, it will take much maturity and hummility to even do this. If you lack that, then maybe you should try being single like me for a while. *wink*

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

"When you become more true to who you are, it will then be easier for your dreams to come true."

is getting organized so that work is easier and documents are less difficult to find. On day 2 - had a lot to do!

Odd Number Ages

How We Commonly Feel When We Reach It!

This past Saturday it was my birthday and I didn't feel like I did the other years because I am at that odd age of 29 nearing age 30, however; when I was at that odd age of 21, I was so excited. And I have found that most people feel the same way as I do. Who gets excited about turning 30? I know I was not counting down those days but I counted down the days to 13 and 21 which are also odd numbers. Entering my teen years was exciting, then knowing I was legal to drink at 21 was exciting too. I know even some who do not drink or wish to drink that turning the legal age just confirms adulthood. It did for me at least, but I am now not sure why I wanted to be an adult so much. Don't get me wrong I love becoming more and more of a woman but I look back and miss being a teenager sometimes. I think I just took those years for granted.

It gives me an opportunity though, to teach the youth to not make some of the mistakes I did so they are not left feeling behind as I do today. I say that because there is so much I could have done. I know I can fix that by working toward a higher success before my next odd age which will be age 39. Therefore, I have ten long years to get it right. I guess that's the gift of age 29, you have the next ten years to make an odd year feel as exciting as age 21. Your women or manhood will be full of success and stability. Looking back knowing I took some of my years for granted I hope for the rest of my life to be treated as much more of a gift especially my last year being in my twenties.

New Age Courtship

It doesn't exist... at least not where many men are concerned!


There have been times I have been interested in a guy and said nothing. Why? Because I feel like if I have spent any time with the guy he should let me know how he feels first. Many of you would not agree but I feel like men are hunters and they should hunt for what or who they want not the women. I feel like in this new age is extinct because men are too lazy. I said this before but got feedback that men are just scared and we should find the courage to say something. That's all good but why would we do that when at any given moment you see the next girl getting chased to no end, when really any of us could be that girl. No girl is better than that next and we all deserve to feel desired and wanted--- we all should be chased. Since when should a woman court or chase a man? I think it all flipped when we as women got desperate or felt a sense of power approaching a man. I feel no power in that. I feel power in being approached and having the choice to say yes or no. It seems to take a real man to step up and tell a woman how he feels and then once accepted to take it even a step further and court her. That takes work. I personally have made it too easy for the man but I refuse to do that anymore. I was raised with certain values that this new age of dating has caused me to deny. I won't anymore-- I can't. I loved my values and as much as I want to feel loved and wanted I just can't do that anymore. I guess that's the process in learning to love yourself.

After the conversation I had with a friend of mine suggesting that I go after the man I want--- the little light bulb in my head turned on and said "No." Most of the time if I am interested in someone it's only because I have gotten to know them-- I am very mental that way. If he has gotten to know me in the same and does not have that same interest or want to express it then so be it--- for me it just wasn't meant to be because I want a man that is strong and full of courage, not scared. And definitely not scared of me of all people. Some women love to be aggressive and that is okay, it's just not for me and the values that was placed on me from my parents. Like I said, I have decided to refuse to go against that for any man or fear of loneliness anymore. I just wish more women would force men to chase them and court them, then maybe they would have no excuse anymore and we as women would not have to complain about chivalry being dead and such. After all, we partially killed it!

So with all that said...

What is the "New Age Courtship"? Obviously a man waiting for a woman to court him.

For the men out there reading: Senseless/random flirting or innuendos does not count for approaching a woman. Most of us will flirt back even if we not interested so that doing that will get you nowhere.

Video will be added soon... stay tuned!

© Marika

Deal Breakers

The Demise of a Potential Date

I think it is good to have a list of deal breakers, and it’s also important to update them. After each person you date or meet there is a potential to find another thing that you are just not willing to deal with, thus called a “deal breaker”. Everyone has them and maybe not always sticks to them. However, it’s important that you do. Deal breakers are very important to pay attention to. Don’t lower your standards for anyone.

Now, I am sure some of you are dying to know what my deal breakers are since we are on the subject. Okay okay…. So here they are:

1. Smoking– This shows me (in my head) that you do not care about your health, thus, how you could care about mine. I am very health conscious and I need my mate to be the same. Plus, I do not like the smell of cigarette smoke.

2. Humor – If you are not funny in the least bit the relationship you will start to bore me. I have tried to date someone before that thought he was funny but his jokes were not funny whatsoever. I need someone that I can play off of and I love to laugh. If you have a dry sense of humor you are not the one for me. Plus, I don’t want to hurt your feelings in the case you tell a joke and it’s not funny because trust me I won’t laugh.

3. Money – You don’t have to be rich, but no longer will I date someone broke again. It limits what we can do together, and that means no fun for us. Also, I am not going to be in a position to help your behind out when you decide not to have your ish together. No more! You don’t have to pay my bills, I am not that type of girl but I do
like an occasional adventure.

4. Chivary – This is a huge one for me. I like to feel like a princess. I like for you to hold my bags especially if it appears I need some help and I am struggling. I like for a guy to open doors for me. Things like that will win big points with me. It feels
nice and brings me to believe I am special to you.

5. Narcissism – Never ever again will I deal with someone with this kind of personality disorder. I will not tolerate my mate loving himself (especially appearance wise) more than me. It's great to love yourself but not great when it seems to have become an obsession for you. It’s also not good when you decide you are hotter than me and treat me accordingly. And I will not be in competition with you period. Please
do not confuse this with high confidence, which brings me to my next one.

6. Confidence – I love a guy that is confident about his intelligence and who he is as a person. I also like a guy that feels attractive as long as he does not go overboard with it. *See #5* (which brings me to my next one again)

7. Fitness– I love it when my guy takes the initiative to go to the gym, however; I am not looking for a “look at my muscles” gym rat either. That annoys the crap out of me. The next thing these kind of guys always ends up saying to me is “How do I look?”, while standing in front of me half naked or completely naked. Girls say that kind of
stuff when they put on a sexy dress for you. Ask me how you look when we are going out somewhere and you want to make sure you dressed for the occasion.

8. Appearance – Now that we are talking about narcissism, confidence, and fitness. My man has to be sexy and good looking. The two are different. Sexy is a man to me that has this air about him---his walk, his demeanor, how he talks etc. Some people called that having “swagger”. Good looking is if he is clean cut, dresses nice, and
just plain handsome. He doesn’t have to be a superstar type, actually I am a little weary of those but I haven’t had children and I would like them to be cute. I also have issues with doing the dirty with a guy I feel is not attractive. I just can’t do it. May sound shallow but oh well. I think being attracted to your mate is very important because when the tingling feelings go away then what do you have to go on to get your sexual juices flowing to even kiss the person? No kissies means no relationship--- basically you are just a good friend.

9. Consideration– I have dated a couple that I noticed had no consideration for people. I am watching you and if I see that you are inconsiderate and rude to others I can almost bet at some point you will be rude to me. It never fails. I always do my best (110%) to be considerate with others so I will not tolerate anything less from my
partner.

10. Stability – I have found in past relationships how important this is. I always had this we can come up together type of mentality with men. But a man needs to be a man and that means he must be stable and able (to take care of home). I will not even attempt to help a man come up anymore. I know the expression there’s always a good woman behind the man, but not sure if that entails her helping him do what he needs to be doing anymore.

Okay so those are my Top 10 deal breakers (trust I have more). Perhaps I could add more and may do that in a vblog but I didn’t want this to get too long and I am so eager to read about your deal breakers. So please comment and share! I am nosy. *wink*

Thanks Rome and Crystal for the inspiration to post this!

Marika

Dealing with Self-Hatred

And Fighting it to Love Yourself!




Many of us will not like ourselves at some point in our lives and that is normal because we all want to be loved and accepted by others. It's important though, to love yourself even in the most rough times. We will all make mistakes, we will all sin, and we can't make everyone happy. We will not make everyone happy but we can start by making ourselves happy first, then everyone else will follow.

Please check out the video. I am being very candid and honest with all of you. I wanted to record this so that everyone going thru this does not feel alone. There are many of us going thru the same journey but walking in different directions. We all should help on another walk in the right direction.

This is the first of my "Stripped & Uncensored" video series and there will be more to come so please go to http://www.youtube.com/thatmarika and subscribe if you would like to stay updated!

Marika