Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
How to Make the Most Secure Insecure
It's Possible, Promise!
I know you are wondering "Why would I want to learn how to do that?" Well, I thought if I can tell you how you can do it, maybe most of you reading this will do the oposite and learn something--- like how not to do it. I have had a clear mind to really get this done to a science since I have been single for quite some time. Observing what people do other people instead of myself has been very educational for me.
I realize that for the most part, men and women are secure in a relationship until there is an event that happens that causes them to flip to the other side. Mind you, I am generally speaking; there are situations where people go into a relationship insecure due to past situations. For the ones that leave their baggage behind, there are still ways to cause a person to feel insecure about the relationship. I find that reaction to be quite natural. That insecurity sometimes is your intuition talking.
Before I go into how to do it, I have to first say that the one thing that is very important in a relationship is trust. Trust is like the glue that holds a relationship together. Once that is gone--- your relationship is gone even if you decide to hold on. There are many ways other than outright lying or cheating that can cause a person to lose trust in their mate or significant other. That's the simplistic way to thinking but in these days most of us have become creative.
The second thing I want to say that if you become insecure-it's probably because your mate is insecure. Misery loves company. If you hang with that company sometimes you become it-or the other person will do things to ensure that you do just that. So I know you are dying to know what these innovative things are that we can do to make another person insecure.
Picture this:
In the beginning, you decided you were so excited about the new person you were dating that you wanted to talk to them every day. Then, without explaination you decided to call every other day and then maybe three times a day… and then so on. Think about if the other person did that. Wouldn't that make anyone suspicious? Now, for you the reason the days got less and less is because your girlfriend/boyfriend fussed about it and made it an issue which made you feel less for them and now you want space all of a sudden. But who brought this kind of drama on? YOU. Why? All because you were inconsistent. As, humans we are creatures of habit. That is something to stay mindful of always while dealing with anyone really. This actually seems to be the most classic case.
Here's another scenario:
You pretty much live together, and you decide you want to go out a lot and hang with the boys/girls. However, you never had quite an interest in that before. Maybe you feel crowded, maybe you need some space, maybe you are just plain bored, who knows. But when you go out, you may drink a little or maybe even a lot, do some things (not necessarily cheating) that your girl or guy may not like so you decide not to say anything. I mean what he or she doesn't know doesn't hurt them right? Wrong. Keep in mind the world is small and so is the city you live in. With that said, your girl/guy hears something and questions you. Now you are in a situation to explain but the way you explain even to you sounds like a sac ah (fill in the blank), but you keep going. Now you look like a liar. Now every time your mate sees you go out he or she is now having an issue with it. Why? Just because of that one incident you wish your mate would forget about. The reality is, no matter what you do, they will not forget. Now, your relationship is strained. You want to go out, and they don't want you to. Now vent to your boys/girls about how controlling and insecure they are when you are the person that caused it in the first place.
In both of these scenarios, the person could have had the best intentions and not even realized what they were doing to the other person. The two things, I realize that has be included in a relationship is "consistancy" and "consideration". Always remember the two c's. The other "c" that was lacking in both stories is that the person failed to "communicate". IF for some reason you lack the two other c's the least you can do is not lack the other "c" which is "communication". Lack all three and the relationship might as well be over.
And for the person that starts feeling insecure, it might be something for you to look into. Because I have been single for a while now, I truly truly can say that there is no reason to stay in a relationship that you are not happy in. The saying "You can do bad by yourself." is the truth. And the bad yourself is not as bad as the bad with someone else that is not treating you the way you deserve and they even know you deserve. That person can easily become a small guppie in a huge pool of water. And why "work on" a relationship before you even get married-in most cases you will have to "work on" the marriage probably several times throughout the years if you last a long time. I am no stranger to knowing how hard relationships are but I now believe that they don't have to be that hard before you get married. I think it really should be probational time.
In conclusion, if you are complaining about your mate being insecure try looking at what you might be doing to them to make them react in that manner. Warning though, it will take much maturity and hummility to even do this. If you lack that, then maybe you should try being single like me for a while. *wink*
All Content © 2010 Marika Dye
I know you are wondering "Why would I want to learn how to do that?" Well, I thought if I can tell you how you can do it, maybe most of you reading this will do the oposite and learn something--- like how not to do it. I have had a clear mind to really get this done to a science since I have been single for quite some time. Observing what people do other people instead of myself has been very educational for me.I realize that for the most part, men and women are secure in a relationship until there is an event that happens that causes them to flip to the other side. Mind you, I am generally speaking; there are situations where people go into a relationship insecure due to past situations. For the ones that leave their baggage behind, there are still ways to cause a person to feel insecure about the relationship. I find that reaction to be quite natural. That insecurity sometimes is your intuition talking.
Before I go into how to do it, I have to first say that the one thing that is very important in a relationship is trust. Trust is like the glue that holds a relationship together. Once that is gone--- your relationship is gone even if you decide to hold on. There are many ways other than outright lying or cheating that can cause a person to lose trust in their mate or significant other. That's the simplistic way to thinking but in these days most of us have become creative.
The second thing I want to say that if you become insecure-it's probably because your mate is insecure. Misery loves company. If you hang with that company sometimes you become it-or the other person will do things to ensure that you do just that. So I know you are dying to know what these innovative things are that we can do to make another person insecure.
Picture this:
In the beginning, you decided you were so excited about the new person you were dating that you wanted to talk to them every day. Then, without explaination you decided to call every other day and then maybe three times a day… and then so on. Think about if the other person did that. Wouldn't that make anyone suspicious? Now, for you the reason the days got less and less is because your girlfriend/boyfriend fussed about it and made it an issue which made you feel less for them and now you want space all of a sudden. But who brought this kind of drama on? YOU. Why? All because you were inconsistent. As, humans we are creatures of habit. That is something to stay mindful of always while dealing with anyone really. This actually seems to be the most classic case.
Here's another scenario:
You pretty much live together, and you decide you want to go out a lot and hang with the boys/girls. However, you never had quite an interest in that before. Maybe you feel crowded, maybe you need some space, maybe you are just plain bored, who knows. But when you go out, you may drink a little or maybe even a lot, do some things (not necessarily cheating) that your girl or guy may not like so you decide not to say anything. I mean what he or she doesn't know doesn't hurt them right? Wrong. Keep in mind the world is small and so is the city you live in. With that said, your girl/guy hears something and questions you. Now you are in a situation to explain but the way you explain even to you sounds like a sac ah (fill in the blank), but you keep going. Now you look like a liar. Now every time your mate sees you go out he or she is now having an issue with it. Why? Just because of that one incident you wish your mate would forget about. The reality is, no matter what you do, they will not forget. Now, your relationship is strained. You want to go out, and they don't want you to. Now vent to your boys/girls about how controlling and insecure they are when you are the person that caused it in the first place.
In both of these scenarios, the person could have had the best intentions and not even realized what they were doing to the other person. The two things, I realize that has be included in a relationship is "consistancy" and "consideration". Always remember the two c's. The other "c" that was lacking in both stories is that the person failed to "communicate". IF for some reason you lack the two other c's the least you can do is not lack the other "c" which is "communication". Lack all three and the relationship might as well be over.
And for the person that starts feeling insecure, it might be something for you to look into. Because I have been single for a while now, I truly truly can say that there is no reason to stay in a relationship that you are not happy in. The saying "You can do bad by yourself." is the truth. And the bad yourself is not as bad as the bad with someone else that is not treating you the way you deserve and they even know you deserve. That person can easily become a small guppie in a huge pool of water. And why "work on" a relationship before you even get married-in most cases you will have to "work on" the marriage probably several times throughout the years if you last a long time. I am no stranger to knowing how hard relationships are but I now believe that they don't have to be that hard before you get married. I think it really should be probational time.
In conclusion, if you are complaining about your mate being insecure try looking at what you might be doing to them to make them react in that manner. Warning though, it will take much maturity and hummility to even do this. If you lack that, then maybe you should try being single like me for a while. *wink*
All Content © 2010 Marika Dye
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